I wish my penis had an off switch
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
