He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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