hotel room ftw
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
