Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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