Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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