cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
