i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
