He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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