he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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