Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
