i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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