Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
