quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
