My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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