its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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