I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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