Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Acid is not a monday night drug
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
