Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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