I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I want a musical about memes.
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