Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
