I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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