If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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