Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
