guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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