Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
