you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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