I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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