Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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