we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
