Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
