I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He kissed a someone with a penis
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
