Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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