some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
