This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
