you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
