guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
