Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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