The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
