did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
