I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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