All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
