we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
