She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
