remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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