I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
