It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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