i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
