I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
