Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
