why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
