Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
