Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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